7 Ways To Take Your Power Back And Stop Being A Victim
This piece follows on from the one last week about fault vs responsibility. I passionately believe that if you accept that it’s your responsibility to fix the pain in your life that you take your power back. Whose fault the pain was is irrelevant. Until you do this, you will constantly be in a victim mentality.
So, let’s look at 7 ways to take your power back and stop being a victim.
1) Wipe The Words “Fault” and “Blame” From Your Vocabulary
While in blame mode, you focus on the trauma itself. By wallowing in “poor me” thoughts, you are not trying to fix your pain; you want someone else to take responsibility. This rarely works. Please believe me; you can fix yourself, take your power back and do it!
2) Accept Your Part In Your Trauma
You may not have been able to prevent the trauma from occurring, but how you choose to deal with it afterwards is under your control. You could need therapy, hashing it out with a trusted friend or family member, journalling, or even time.
You need to do whatever it takes to be able to heal. If you try something and it doesn’t work, try something else. Do something, anything besides sitting and stewing, feeling hard done by.
3) Distance Yourself From People Who Hurt You
Continuing to allow people to hurt you over and over again is another way of giving them power over you. If you can’t cut them out of your life completely, at least limit their access. You should also set boundaries to ensure they treat you as you deserve. If they cross these boundaries, give them a firm warning. If they cross them again, then leave. They’ll get the message eventually.
4) Try To Forgive
It may not always seem that way, but forgiveness is as much for you as the person you are forgiving. By forgiving the person who hurt you, you can release the anger you feel towards them and the situation. It can seem impossible, but it’s a critical element in helping you heal and move forward.
5) Express Gratitude
Sometimes we feel like there’s a permanent cloud hanging over our lives and raining nothing but bad luck on us. It’s easy to become bitter and feel like the universe hates us. It’s not true! It’s called confirmation bias. Once you have convinced yourself something is true, you fixate on all events that back up this theory and subconsciously ignore anything that contradicts this belief.
By writing down a few things that you’re grateful for each day, you bring your attention back to what is going well for you. In time your state of mind should shift to a more hopeful and positive one. It’s an excellent way to take your power back and correct faulty thinking.
6) Take Control Of Your Desires
We are all familiar with situations where a big event is coming up. It may be a holiday, a party for a special birthday, or plans for an anniversary. You’ve done everything and asked your partner, friend or family members to do a couple of things. Then, when the event has almost arrived, they let you down. They either don’t do the thing properly or don’t do it all.
Let’s say you refuse to put the problem right, even though you have time. Even though you won’t enjoy the event as much because of it. You think, “I did everything else! It’s like X is determined to ruin this for me and make me suffer!” You then feel angry, hurt and don’t enjoy the thing you were looking forward to for weeks or even months.
You might think that’s justified. THEY screwed it up and didn’t fix it. It’s their fault. AHA! We’re back to blame again. The fact is, you knew about the problem in time to fix it, so the fact that it wasn’t done is your fault too.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel hurt or talk about it afterwards. I’m saying if you take control of what you want and do what it takes to get it, you take your power back, and you will be happier.
7) Break Free
We all feel trapped in a painful situation at times. However, a lot of the time, the prison is one of our own making. Sit down somewhere quiet and brainstorm. Write down all the different ways you could break free from the situation. Don’t leave anything out, however silly. Let the words flow.
Once you’ve finished, put it away for a day or two. Then, come back and look through it critically. Discard anything impossible and are a short list. Finally, use the list to make a plan and act on it!
Take Your Power Back
You are not a victim! You are a strong, capable person who can do what it takes to make your plans and desires a reality. Stop giving this power away; you are all you need. Go out there and get it done!
