10 things you should never say to a fat person
Hi everyone! Since I became body positive and learned to love myself I’ve thought back on the frankly horrific things people have said to me or other fat people I know. Things I can’t believe I accepted, much less took to heart. Now I’d let the person saying it have it with both barrels. For those out there who are unclear how unacceptable they are let me tell you…
1. I/ My friend/My sister/My next door neighbour’s best friend’s parrot has tried this fabulous new diet. Maybe it would work for you?
I can guarantee said fat person will have heard of, tried and failed at a version of pretty much any diet you could name. Probably more than once. Lack of knowledge about diet plans will never be the problem! The fact that no diet works long term is the problem. Suggesting another one is trying to keep the person running on a hamster wheel. One that may actually threaten their health more than just staying the size they are.
2. Have you tried low carb/gluten-free/vegan?
No but cutting out entire food groups unnecessarily is not something a fat person needs to do. Is not something anyone needs to do in fact. Unless they have a moral objection or an actual food allergy it’s just calorie restriction in disguise. Being a fat person and receiving unsolicited advice about diets is annoying and often upsetting. You wouldn’t just suggest a diet to a thin person without being asked. You wouldn’t suggest a diet to fatten someone up who is clearly underweight even though this can be equally dangerous to a person’s health. Extend the same courtesy to fat people.
3. Are you sure you want to eat that?
Grrr! My most hated one! Firstly it is no one else’s goddamned business what another person eats and you have no right to comment on it. No not even if the person is your partner, family member or best friend. It doesn’t make you helpful, bluntly it just makes you an arsehole. You wouldn’t do it to thin people so why is it ok to police the diet of fat people? Answer – it’s not! Unless the food is actually going to be dangerous to the person due to allergies etc keep it zipped!
4. Have you considered bariatric surgery? I’ve seen fantastic results on My 600lb Life!
Hmmm…let me think. Have my perfectly healthy body cut into and mutilated. Undertake the risks of anaesthetic. Risk post operative infections and scarring. Frequent vomiting, possible bowel obstruction or maybe gallstones? Have life long health implications and deficiencies due to an inability to absorb sufficient vitamins. All so I can look as society has brainwashed us to believe I should look. Nope! I’ll keep my digestive system working as intended thank you.
5. Maybe you could take up jogging/go to the gym/play squash?
Another fat myth in action – fat people don’t exercise. I do exercise, regularly. I am on good terms with most of the staff at my local gym. Until I was made redundant due to COVID and had to take a much lower paying job I even had a personal trainer. I go because it’s very good for my health. I do not go to lose weight or “work off” what I ate. No one short of Michael Phelps is going to exercise enough to lose weight without calorie restriction. Calorie restriction coupled with extra activity will help you lose weight fast. However it also kicks off your body’s anti-starvation response and makes you want to eat more. Cravings intensify. Bingeing is likely. I’m guessing that’s not what you were intending?
6. What about your health?
Aaaaargh! The rise of fatphobia disguised as concern for health. This one is insidious because it sounds so reasonable. We are constantly being told by health organisations that obesity is a threat to health. You are not worried about a fat person’s health though! This rhetoric just gives you a vehicle for your fatphobia. You think fat people should lose weight for aesthetic reasons. I can even prove it.
We all know that one person who lives on a diet of soft drinks, biscuits and takeaways and doesn’t put on a pound. We envy them. The fact is their diet is far from healthy they just happen to be naturally built in a way that it doesn’t lead to weight gain. When was the last time you, or anyone you know, talked to them about their unhealthy diet out of concern for their health? Think about it, I’ll wait. That’s right. No one does. This is because being thin equals healthy no matter the quality of a person’s diet or lifestyle. If they’re on drugs. Or they’re battling an eating disorder. Or have horrendously high blood pressure. If they’re thin they’re fine.
7. Are you sure you want to wear that?
“That” means something tight, or colourful or sexy as opposed to a muumuu. Yes I am sure! I spent so many years obeying the rules about what fat people should wear. Nothing too tight. Darker colours are more flattering. For god’s sake no stripes! I was trying to make myself as unnoticeable as possible. Not any more though! Now I wear bright colours and bodycon dresses without the obligatory loose shirt over the top. I wear mini skirts and leggings and anything else I fancy. All that matters is I love it so if you don’t like it feel free to go somewhere else. Preferably a long way away.
8. How about we buy you this dress/top/lingerie in a smaller size. Then you’ll have the incentive to lose weight to fit into it.
Buying someone something they may never be able to fit into. Nice. That won’t make a person feel like shit at all. This is practically saying you don’t accept or value them at the size they are. Essentially bribing a person to lose weight? What next? A holiday? A car?! No thank you. Let them get it in the size they are and watch as they rock it! Or not. To be honest if this is your idea of helping it’s probably best you’re not around.
9. You’ve got such a pretty face….
Even if you leave it at that the implication is clear. You’ve got such a pretty face, shame your body is so ugly. Or you’ve got such a pretty face if you lost all that unsightly weight you’d be gorgeous. It has taken me decades of thinking this crap myself to understand what utter shit it is. Fat people are beautiful thank you, just as they are!
10. I’d really fancy you if you were a few sizes smaller
If you would say something so crass to another person you most definitely are not worthy of them. The very fact that you’d be so shallow to think that and so insensitive to say it means any self-respecting person wouldn’t touch you with a 10-foot pole. Fat women are goddesses and fat men are titans. You are an arsehole and don’t deserve them!
So there we are…my top 10 most hated things anyone can say to fat people. I’m sure there are more though so please feel free to pop them in the comments.
